I haven't tried this in a really long time.  My mind goes in a thousand directions all the time.  I have let myself go body wise for a while now.  I have been so unhappy with myself for so long, I don't even know how to be anymore.  Food has taken over my life for years now.  Everything I do revolves around food.  I can't take it anymore.  All I want to do is be better and do better...and then it goes to shit.... I am so tired of feeling this way and I don't know how to get out of it.  Yes, I know..just stop thinking about it and just do it....get up early, go to the gym....eat better...and the rest will follow....

it all seems so easy..until you have to actually do it.  

When you look at yourself and you see how far out of shape you have become...and you don't know how it happened and how to start being better.   

I am about 60 pounds overweight.  I am only 5 feet tall....I should be about 110-120...im about 167...

I have had so many trainers, have tried so many diets...I know everything that I need to do....so what is my problem?  

my husband is in shape...and I look like a mess next to him...he goes to the gym everyday...and bikes...I sit and don't do what I need to.

I have all these thoughts and fears that he is going to find someone thinner, someone younger, etc.  I feel so bad about myself that I think that he thinks the same way about me as I think about myself.  I think that he thinks that he is embarrassed to be around others around me...and that they think, why is he with me?  how can one person be in shape and the other so out of shape?  

I dislike myself so much...I just need to get these thoughts out there and out of my head....

I want to start going to the gym early in the morning...my husband said it will make me feel better and more accomplished....but a part of me thinks that I will be unable to get up when that alarm goes off before 7....

why am I already saying I can't do it before I even start?  Im already failing in my head.  UGH

I need to get my head on straight and I don't know where to start??